BJ Penn and GSP Secret Meeting Before UFC 94
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Many of you already know this, but aside from having super-powers, I also am pretty well connected. It was supposed to be kept under wraps, but it was recently leaked to me that BJ Penn and George St-Pierre met at an undisclosed location in Las Vegas, presumably totalk about the upcoming fight. Here’s a transcript of the conversation they had.
BJ: Yo, Pierre – you know that’s a bottled water or something right? – I’m totally going to murder you in the ring.
GSP: Whatever dude. I’ve been working out like mad hardcore every day. See my abs? It’s like I have 8 alien babies spawning under my skin ready to explode out and eat your mom.
BJ: That’s pretty messed up.
GSP: Yeah, I’ve been running everywhere I go. Staying ripped. Not you though, you’re always kinda chubby. Especially at 170.
BJ: Whatever bro. Doesn’t matter. I’m still going to give you Hawaiian punch to your Canadian face.
GSP: Hawaiian punch eh? That’s kind of catchy.
BJ: I know. Had I not been so freaking awesome at jujitsu, that would have been my fight name. But of course, my BJJ skills are pretty much the most advanced thing on the planet right now, with the possible exception of those Hostess cupcakes I ate yesterday. Bomb diggity, those were.
GSP: I wouldn’t know. In my native land of Canada, we just eat moose fat. But as far jujitsu, mine is pretty mindblowing right now. I was is Rio during the summer and learned wicked awesome positions from the Brazilians.
BJ: … From the hot Brazilian ladies! High five. (Slap)
Penn: But anyway, back to the jits … see my pants. They f-ing have a black belt right on them. That’s because I’m so awesome. Plus, I’ve got flexibility that’s unreal.
GSP: I’ve got flexibility too. Check it.
GSP: I’m good at everything your good at, plus I’m super bad ass at stuff you can’t do. Un-orthodox striking angles? Wrestling? 2nd round cardio? It’s like that song, “Anything you can do, I can do better.”
BJ: Like getting your face smashed in, yet somehow pulling off a victory. Way better at that.
GSP: That’s cold, cabron.
BJ: I’m sorry, did that hurt? That’s what’s wrong with you G. You’re no killer. I’m a killer. That’s why I’ve got this belt.
GSP: I’ve got a belt too. But mines bigger, you dirty pile of excre-
Dana White (interrupting): Hey guys, enough. Save it for the fight.
BJ: Okay, okay … (backing off)
BJ, (shouting quickly over his shoulder): GSP is gay.
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