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Performing an act of poor sportsmanship in anything is kind of like slapping a cat in the face - even if it’s deserved, you’re still kind of an asshole for doing it. What fighters on the big stage fail to realize, is that your fans will turn on you in a second for being a dick. MMA is fighting, and leading up to a fight, combatants talk trash – it’s how the game is played. But the rules of the school yard still apply – after the fight, you shake hands, say good job, then go about your business…even if your business is paying for peanut-butter handjobs behind Circus-Circus with six-packs of Pabst.
As long as you were a good sport during your fight, the fans will refuse to believe anything the media puts on you. Screw up once though…well, what’s that old saying? Build a thousand bridges you’re a bridge-builder, but suck one cock…
Here are five prime examples of how to be a poor sport:
#5 TAKE YOUR FANS’ MONEY
“Bring that ass here”
At UFC 112, Neo fought Demian Maia. For three rounds, it was a pretty decent fight for Silva, showing his usual domination of another poor rabbit thrown into the cage with him. It was obvious to him and everyone else in the building that Maia had no chance against him, so naturally he finished him in astonishing fashion.
OR, you take what really happened – Maia sat just outside Silva’s reach waiting to get blown-up – like a beagle hooked up to electrodes. Silva, on the other hand, took the opportunity to show off his dance moves for the last ten minutes while mocking Maia in-between the songs playing in his head.
What could have been a legendary slaughter-the-cow finish ended up being a lopsided decision…so much so, that the President of the UFC left halfway through the 4th round and just gave the belt to Silva’s manager…basically he said “fuggit”.
WHY IS THIS POOR SPORTSMANSHIP? - Well, Maia was obviously outclassed. The fans even knew it and paid to watch Silva abduct his next soul. Demian waited for ten minutes for Silva to finish him off, but instead, he was shown up for two full rounds. The worst part was that at about $50 for the Pay-Per-View, there were a lot of people who paid to get a big finish but just wound up disappointed and minus fifty bucks. Kind of similar to renting a hooker that only does oral but can’t shut up. Dana White, the President of UFC had this to say:
“I don’t think I’ve ever been more embarrassed in the ten years of being in this business…but I will make it up to the fans that bought that shit tonight…”
What hurts most is that Dana actually confirmed that at least once in my life I had actually paid for poop.
#4 HAVE AN UNDISCIPLINED CORNER
*I didn’t say this fight was crap, I said this fight was stupid!”
At the Pride Grand Prix 2000, Guy Mezger met the “Gracie Hunter” Kazushi Sakuraba. Guy had taken the fight on two weeks noticed but fought like he expected the fight the whole time. In fact, he fought to the end of the 15 minute time limit (no rounds) and eagerly awaited the judge’s decision. It was at this point that the judges couldn’t make one and decided that Guy and Kazushi should keep on keepin’ on.
At this point, Guy began a mild argument before his cornerman Ken Shamrock ordered him to take a seat in the locker room…partly to calm down, but mostly for Ken to point and yell and show people a whole new world of pissed off.
The reason for Ken’s anger is simple – Guy took the fight on two weeks noticed, had an injured foot and signed a contract for one (1) 15-minute round with no overtime…the same as every other fight in the Grand Prix. Given the fact that Guy was actually kicking some ass, Ken felt that the Japanese were giving their “Gracie Hunter” another shot to beat Mezger now that they saw he was injured. This resulted in Ken jumping and pointing a whole bunch.
WHY THIS IS POOR SPORTSMANSHIP: Well for one, you’re in Japan which is huge on the whole respect thing…even if they were trying to juke you a little bit. Secondly, you can’t just lose your shit in the cage/ring if you’re someone’s CORNER…you just can’t. It makes you look bad, it makes your fighter look bad…hell, Godzilla would even look bad if he started bitching about his contract after he wrecked an entire city…and he’s a giant fuckin’ lizard whose job it is to look bad…there’s just no way around it. Sending Mezger backstage was a good move to difuse the situation. Continuing to chew ass afterwards is a no-no…expectially when Sakuraba himself said that he would honor the contract.
#3 INVADE THE WINNER’S GLORY
On April 17, 2010, Jake Shields got a victory over Dan “Hendo” Henderson…kind of a big deal. During the post-fight interview, Jason “Mayhem” Miller entered the cage with no appoval, intrrupted the interview and asked Jake Shields where his rematch was…also calling him “Buddy”, which in a weird way seems kind of insulting.
Anyway, Shields acted like miller ate a dirty diaper for lunch and pushed him out of his face, then Nate and Nick Diaz and the entire Caesar Gracie camp jumped on Miller and kicked his ass…only to be broken up by Dan Henderson’s corner who were apparently the only ones present that were against gang-raping loud assholes with hair that looks like their neck had an inverted menstral cycle.
WHY THIS IS POOR SPORTSMANSHIP: Granted, this can be seen differently depending on who you’re a fan of…but the fact remains that the whole thing wouldn’t have started had Miller never entered the cage to interrupt a victory speech. It should go without saying that when you fight and win, you get recognition and when some asshole interrupts your “me” time, it’s never in good taste…it’s basically saying “Thanks for doing all the work so the fans can pay attention to me.” Kind of like a pimp signing autographs for how well his girls suck dicks.
#2 ADD INSULT TO INJURY, FLIP OFF THE CROWD THEN SAY BUDWEISER CAN KISS YOUR ASS
“Suck it, minions”
At UFC 100, Brock Lesnar and Frank Mir fought for the second time…the first ending in Brock tapping Mir gently on the ass during a kneebar that they teach in children’s jiu-jitsu classes. A kneebar so cartoonish and orchestrated that Bugs Bunny was in the front row calling bullshit. Usually getting tapped in such an embarrassing way warrants you getting your choice from the candy basket before leaving the cage to go to school.
At any rate, losing like that make Brock MAAAAD! He and Mir began throwing insults back and forth until Mir decided to swing for the fences and piss off the bleached grape-ape with such zingers as:
“I hate him as a person”
“I’m going to break his neck”
and the always popular,
“I want him to be the first person that dies from Octagon-related injuries”
See, the problem with that last quote is that you can’t say that (see #1), it’s just bad for business…not to mention that you have something in store for you if the other guy gets the better of you…namely this:
Mir was obviously the asshole going into this match, but Brock pulled off such a classy reversal of douchebaggery, he actually made Frank look like the good guy. After winning, he grunted over to Mir (who was still doing his best impression of a newborn pony trying to stand) and told him what a prick he was…specifically saying, “Who’s the fucking man NOW?!”
The cheers for Brock quickly diminished when the crowd then got treated to Lesnar double-pumping the “sit and spin” sign and basing his post-fight interview on how much Budweiser sucks because they “…don’t pay me enough.” Classy.
WHY THIS IS POOR SPORTSMANSHIP: How isn’t this poor sportsmanship? I can see the whole getting in his face thing after the fight even though that’s borderline after ripping out his ass-gasket, but flipping off the crowd and telling your sponsor they blow have never worked in any sport ever. Especially when your sponsor is beer. I mean, if beer sucks, then so do nachos, and I know nachos are good. So is beer.
#1 KILL THE OTHER GUY ON PURPOSE
Renato “Babalu” Sobral is no longer in the UFC. He’s not in the UFC because Dana White told him that trying to kill a dude won’t be tolerated (not in so many words). The guy that Dana is referring to is David Heath.
During the whole build up to the fight, David apparently insulted Babalu by calling him names. Babalu took this as a sign that Heath needed to “learn some respect”, so shortly after opening a cut on Heath’s face the size of Paris Hilton’s vagina, he locked in an anaconda choke and tapped Heath out. The only problem is that after Heath tapped and the referee called an end to the match, Sobral refused to let go. You can find the video online here and there, but it looks something like this:
You’re probably wondering why this is so screwed up, and it’s fairly hard to explain if you’ve never grappled and been submitted by a choke, but Heath’s life was literally in Sobral’s hands. Renato got the tap which meant Heath was either going unconcious or couldn’t breathe. The ref stopped it and Renato held on to “put Heath out” for another 3-4 seconds. The difference between “out” and “dead” is about 5 seconds for those not in-the-know.
HOW IT’S UNSPORTSMANLIKE: It’s like I said, it’s a fine line between putting someone to sleep and putting them in the land of unicorns and Elvis Presley. When you cut off blood to a brain and the refs say stop, you stop. Otherwise you literally are trying to kill the guy. The reason Renato did it? “He needed to learn respect, he called me a ‘motherfucker’.” What a motherfucker.
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