Fitness, Grappling, Jiu Jitsu, Judo, Martial Arts, MMA, Muay Thai, Wrestling
Posted by
John Valentine
Losing is not easy whether you are competing in Jiu Jitsu, MMA, Judo or any sport of your choosing. If not approached correctly there can be damaging consequences not only to your future performance but your character. Sometimes It is only when have lost that understand what you are really made of.
While often times there are no medals or accolades for losing or second place, the truth is that the true rewards and lessons often times will set you up for greater championships.
To link the word losing to rewards first, requires taking the right mental approach and to breaking things down to their proper perspectives. The fact is that competition and training are not easy and the path you have chosen says a lot about you as a person and as a warrior. Another reality is that unless you are either the world’s greatest prodigy or you lie about your fight record, that everyone loses at some point in their career. If you decide not to “take your toys and go home” and quit but rather compete again, then learning from your losses will be essential to winning. Here are 3 simple rules to help guide you through “the funeral” and get you back on track.
Rule #1 Look for answers in the mirror
When I wrestled as a kid my father used to say “you have 48 hours of morn your loss.” While your first reaction maybe to place blame make sure this mindset shifts quickly. Losing will produce a specific emotional response and one that makes it very easy to dwell on negative feelings. If you do not recognize or as a coach help others see the positive aspects of the loss, such as the risks taken, effort given and lessons learned then lasting damage can ensue.
Accountability is essential and represents base camp if you are to grow from the experience. If the judge made a bad call then as Dana White in the UFC likes to say “then you shouldn’t have left it in the hands of the judges.” Your opponent was not stronger than you but rather you simply were not strong enough, so do something about it. If you place blame or look outward for answers for your loss, then you will always comeback empty handed; which programs your mind that other people and not you are not in control of your density in the ring or on the mat. A valuable technique is that whether you win or lose to be sure to conduct an immediate post-mortem discussion. While the match is still fresh in everyone’s minds, discuss your tactics, strategy, execution and how to improve your performance along with, being sure to taking full responsibility for the outcome. Don’t cry over spilled milk but rather get a towel and clean it up!
Rule 2: Maintain your desire to win
Following a humiliating armbar submission loss in the finals of my first grappling tournament I left the mat feeling disappointed but approached my wife with an attitude of “hey I was just glad to make it to the finals.” My wife Shari quickly responded “so you trained for months, we traveled 2 states to get here simply so you could be content with a 2nd place finish?” “Next time do me a favor and just call me insted and let me know how your tournament went.”
While her goal was not to be a “smart ass” (not entirely) it was to make a point to say if you do not have the desire to win you never will. You can still be pleased with “putting yourself out there,” but make sure your sights are still set on winning by doing your best if you still plan on competing. Notice I did not say win at all costs. I am sure you talked with some people who say “having to win” is a character flaw, but if your reasons are based on personal goals and growth and not “bring down others” then don’t bother apologizing for seeking to win. The will to win is in the heritage of competition. Regardless of what you think about them as individuals do you think greats such as Dan Gable, Tiger Woods, Lance Armstrong, Michael Phelps, Wayne Gretsky or others don’t set their sites on winning? Sure they do by focusing their efforts inward and what it takes to compete against themselves first. If you do your best and fail then fine but if you decide to get back up and fight be sure you do so with the right mentality and belief in yourself that you can win.
Rule 3: Understand why and then do something about it
Simply acknowledging that it was you who was responsible for the loss will not help prevent a future one. You must take the time with your coach to dissect every element from your training, conditioning, profile of your opponents, level of execution, and your mental state going in order to develop the correct game plan. If your game is grappling then maybe you need to train with people who are bigger, stronger and better than you are, every day or simply better apply yourself to the areas you are weakest. I know we all see people at our gyms who will only spare or “roll” with people they know they can beat. These folks will always take “1st place” in practice and last when it comes to competitions. If you can video yourself in training and during your competitions even better, as this will give you an unbiased view of where you are strongest and weakest (in addition to adding 10 pounds). The strategies to maintain proper concentration, confidence and commitment are in fact very personal to you. They are however essential to moving forward past your loss and to setting you up physically and emotionally for the next challenge.
Losing or becoming a loser?
While such refocused plans, practices, drills, and off-the-mat methods are essential, the lessons it takes to not only be a champion are best learned in the moment. Winning requires relatively little tutelage. Once you have experienced a victory, you recognize its value immediately. The value of becoming a true champion and warrior however, is more complex, and unfortunately it is generally best ingrained through defeat. Every time you compete or train be reminded of other life lessons you are also leaning. Including, that just like in sports, life is not always fair. However, the way in which you choose to live life has its own rewards. Yes the referees, our coaches and even my wife from time to time will make mistakes, we all do. But it’s what we do in the wake of those mistakes, and how we handle challenges that truly defines us and determines the outcome of the next match whether we are winners or losers not just on the mat but off.
